Choices
by irishka1205
Summary: While out on a simple salt and burn case, the boys run into a few demons. Then Sam has choices to make.


"Well, that was easy enough," Dean said cheerfully as he tossed a lit match into the grave. The two men watched as the fire erupted bellow them. "It's been a while."

Sam turned his head to look at his brother, his eyebrows raised in question.

"The simple salt and burn. I miss those cases. You know, cut and dry, dig up a body, burn it, ghost goes poof," Dean answered the silent question.

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, it's ever just as simple as that." Not waiting for the other man's response, Sam picked up the now empty canister and his shovel, and began walking toward the entrance to the cemetery. Dean quickly caught up and the two brothers walked in silence toward Impala. Sam tried to enjoy the quiet, knowing that it would be short lived. In absence of actually talking to each other about important things, Dean usually filled the void by rambling about every meaningless thing possible, or blast the music as they drove to their motel, which at least was just like old times.

Suddenly Sam stopped, all his senses immediately on alert as he looked around them, trying to see into the darkness. He didn't know if it was the demon blood inside him, years of being a hunter, or perhaps because for four whole months he had only himself to rely on, but he could sense danger like an animal. Before it was visible, before it was too late.

"Sam?" Dean's voice was low and full of tension.

Before Sam could answer, however, two figures came into plain view, heading toward them. Both men instinctively reached for their weapons. But before they could point them at the approaching pair, Sam realized that he knew both of them.

"Bobby, what the hell are you doing here?" Dean asked as the two neared them. But before Bobby had a chance to respond, Dean focused his attention on Bobby's companion, his body once again tensing, this time with anger. "And what the hell is she doing here?" he demanded, pointing his shotgun at Ruby. Sam stood quietly, his eyes fixed on demon as well.

"She said you boys needed help," Bobby replied, his eyes scanning over both of the brothers.

"And you believed her?" Dean took a step toward the demon.

"I had no reason not to," the older hunter simply replied.

"How about 'she's a demon'!' Dean exclaimed.

"Dean," Sam tried to calm his brother. Something was happening, he could feel it. Ruby would not show up like this unless something major was about to go down.

"They're coming for you, Sam," Ruby tried to explain.

"Demons?" The question was more of a statement.

Ruby nodded.

"Lillith?"

The demon shook her head this time. "She wouldn't risk it. But she's sent enough of them to be dangerous."

Dean took a step between the two of them to get Sam's attention. "Oh, come on, Sam. Honestly. Don't you see what she's doing? She's just trying to find a way to get you to use your psychic mojo again. Trying to reel you back in. Tell me you can see it. Tell me you're not stupid enough to believe her again."

"Yeah, that's right. I made a dozen demons to come after you just to get Sam turn to the darkside," Ruby mocked.

"That's enough," Bobby's voice of reason called for attention from all three. "Whatever the reason is, these demons are coming."

"When?" Sam asked, silently thanking Bobby for making the bickering stop.

Something caught Ruby's attention in the distance. The human host's facial expression changed to fear. "Uh...now," she finally said, her eyes still staring out into the darkness.

Sam turned in the same direction. He couldn't make out anything at first, but then he saw them. At least six people, no, not people, demons, were moving toward them. And quickly.

"We need to move," Bobby said behind him.

Sam remained rooted in his spot and shook his head. "We won't outrun them."

"It's the only chance we got," Dean said, his hand on Sam's arm, pulling him toward the Impala. "Come on."

"You go. I'll hold them off," Sam insisted, taking a step back from his brother.

"Are you crazy? No, no way," Dean shook his head.

Sam knew Dean's fear about him using his powers to exorcise demons, even more so since Halloween and the Samhain exorcism. "Dean, it's our only chance," he tried to reason.

"How about you two argue after we survive this?" Ruby came to stand beside them. Turning to Dean, she asked "Where's the knife?"

Glaring at her with all the distaste Dean could muster, he nevertheless responded. "In the trunk."

"Then I guess we better move," Bobby added.

The quartet ran as fast as they could toward the Impala, with Dean in front and Sam bringing up the rear. Sam knew he'd be their first line of defense, whether Dean liked it or not.

They were less than fifty feet away from the car when Dean suddenly flew back into a tree. Sam stopped running and turned around, focusing on the demon that had Dean pinned. "Get the knife," he yelled, hoping that the other three could get to the car in time. Raising his hand, Sam focused on exorcising the demon and watched in satisfaction as the black cloud flowed out of the human host's body and into the ground. As he finished off one demon, Sam saw another demon running toward him, while the rest of the group followed his companions.

The second demon raised his hand toward Sam, but it didn't move so much as a hair on Sam's head. "Your boss couldn't kill me. You really think that some lacky's powers are going to work?" he asked, striding toward the demon. The demon backed away, the expression on his face changing to fear and disbelief. Sam has seen that look too many times before.

Stopping a few feet away from the demon, Sam raised his hand again and focused once more. But before he could finish off the demon, he heard a loud banging sound, followed by Dean screaming. Forgetting about the demon, Sam ran toward the small battle raging at the entrance of the cemetery. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bobby trying to exorcise a demon the old fashioned way while showering it with all the holy water they had in their possession. Ruby was on the other side, involved in hand to hand with two demons. But Sam's full attention was on a figure of his brother, pinned to the gates of the cemetery. Sam could see that Dean was in pain, with the demon obviously doing more than just simply restraining him.

"Hey!" he yelled as he ran toward the demon. Before the demon could respond, Sam once again focused on it like Ruby taught him to. As the demon began to choke, his hold on Dean was gone and the oldest Winchester slid to the ground, gasping for air.

The demon was almost out of the human body when it happened. Sam heard it first. The loud bang echoed into the night and then he felt it - a sharp, burning pain spread through his abdomen and nearly took his breath away.

He heard Dean calling his name, barely registering the panic in his brother's voice. Losing control of the demon, Sam fell to his knees. He brought his left hand to the spot from which the pain was radiating, his fingers coming in contact with something warm and wet. He couldn't see it in the dark, but he knew it was blood. He had been shot. That was all he could focus on right now. That and the pain. The pain that bounced off every part of his body, every organ, nerve, and muscle, converging again on the left side of his stomach. He told himself to breathe - he had to breathe - but the pain was overpowering him, blocking out everything else.

But then he heard it again. His brother's scream. Looking up, Sam saw Dean once again suspended in the air and being tortured by the demon. "No," he whimpered. Dean desperately needed help. But when Sam looked around for back up, he saw Bobby being overtaken by another demon and Ruby surrounded by three more. He had to do something, anything...to save them. With everything left in him, Sam pushed himself up and raised his hand. Pushing back the pain, he focused on one thing and one thing only: getting rid of the demons. His arm raised, Sam closed his eyes and pushed his energy toward the remaining demons. He could feel them fighting back, pushing back, but Sam wouldn't let them. His head felt like it was to crack open, but he pushed that pain away as well. It was too late for him, but he had to save his brother. And the only way to do it was to exorcise all the demons surrounding them. Squeezing his eyes shut, Sam made one attempt to push harder and then it was all over. There was nothing fighting against him any longer.

Sam opened his eyes and looked around. The bodies of the possessed people were scattered; unconscious or dead, he didn't know. Sam turned toward his brother. Dean was once again on the ground, leaning against the gate, a worried look on his face. Sam wanted to tell him not to worry, but no sound made it past his lips. Suddenly, the pain in his abdomen returned with a vengeance. Crying out in pain, Sam collapsed to the ground, holding his wound with both of his hands as he tried to fight back the pain from overtaking him.

He heard footsteps and then someone was next to him, turning him over on his back. "Sammy?" Dean sounded worried. Sam didn't think he's ever heard Dean's voice sound so worried before in his life. "Sam, come on, let me see." Sam felt his hands being pushed to the side, his shirt being lifted, heard Dean swearing under his breath. "It's ok. You're going to be ok," Dean said, then yelled. "Bobby! Bobby, we need to get him to the hospital." Then two more hands were on him.

Trying to ignore the worried voices and even more pain from the pressure being put on his wound, Sam turned toward his brother. "I'm sorry," he whispered, hoping that Dean would hear him in all the commotion. He really was sorry. For using his powers when Dean didn't want him to, for not keeping his word not to, for making Dean feel scared of him. And more importantly for putting Dean through this...again.

Dean met his eyes. "You'll be fine, Sammy, you're going to be ok." He repeated it like a mantra, like just saying those words would make it true.

But Sam knew better. The pain was dissipating now and Sam was coherent enough to understand that that was actually not a good thing in this situation. "Promise me," he said as loud as he could. "No more deals. It has to..." Sam groaned as a wave of pain rolled through his body. Breathing deep, he continued, "It has to end with me."

Dean's face froze in fear as his stared back at Sam. "You're gonna be fine," he finally said, his voice cracking.

"Promise," Sam insisted.

"Sammy," Dean begged, but Sam needed to know, needed to be sure that Dean would not go and make another stupid deal.

With whatever energy was left inside, Sam grabbed the front of Dean's shirt and pulled him closer. "Promise me," he ground out.

Dean's chin wobbled, his eyes glistening even in the dark as he stared at his brother's face. After what seemed like forever, Dean finally whispered the two words Sam needed to hear. "I promise."

Losing grip on Dean's shirt, Sam smiled. Dean was going to be safe. That was the only thing that mattered. All was just as it should be.

Unable to fight any longer, Sam slowly closed his eyes and then let go.

********

Even from ten feet away, he could see Dean's body shaking as he stared down at Sam's lifeless body. The older Winchester didn't move for what seemed like forever and just looked down at his brother, tears rolling down his face.

Bobby was standing next to him, wiping his own tears away. It looked like he desperately wanted to comfort Dean, but he either was too consumed by his own grief or just didn't know what to say, so instead the older hunter just remained standing by Dean's side. Ruby, on the other hand, was nowhere in sight.

"Oh, God," Dean repeated and pulled his little brother's body into his chest and began to rock, letting his grief overtake him.

Sam closed his eyes, not able to see his brother so crushed by his death. It was strange, to say the least, to be outside of your own body, watching the scene unfold in front of him. Nobody else knew he was still there, that his spirit lingered. Sam wondered for a moment if the same thing happened the last time he died. If he watched Dean carry his body over to that house where he came back to life two days later. If he▓d actually watched Dean make that damn deal with the Crossroads demon. If he tried to somehow stop him. He couldn't remember.

Suddenly, Sam felt a presence next by his side. Without turning around, he somehow knew who it was. "I was expecting a reaper," Sam said as he opened his eyes. "Or do you subsidize your income by working part time taking souls?"

"I volunteered," Castiel responded calmly.

Sam laughed angrily. "Right. Have to make sure the anti-Christ is taken care of, right?"

Castiel just stared back at him. Neither one said anything for a few moments

"So," Sam finally broke the silence. "Up or down?"

Castiel leaned his head to the side and looked at Sam with an almost curious expression, as if he was reading Sam's mind and was fascinated and surprised by what he found there. "Are you really that much in a hurry to die, Sam?" the angel finally spoke up.

"Uh...in case you didn't notice, I'm already dead." Sam pointed at his own body.

"It doesn't have to stay that way," Castiel replied.

That Sam didn't expect. "Are you saying..." He wasn't sure he understood correctly. "You would bring me back?"

"I brought your brother back. I can do the same for you."

Sam's eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed again, his whole being filled with suspicion. "Why would you do that? I mean, I'm the 'boy with the demon blood', aren't I? The one who was heading down a dangerous road and who you yourself wanted stopped. Why in the world would you possibly want to bring me back? I thought you'd be doing cartwheels celebrating. One less problem to worry about."

Castiel didn't seem affected by any of the anger radiating from Sam's entire being. He calmly waited for Sam's rant to be over before replying in the same calm voice. "The big fight is near, Sam. We need all the help we can get. We need you."

Sam laughed in disbelief. "You mean, you need my powers. My ability to send demons back to hell, quick and mess free."

"That, too."

"And what happened to the whole 'you were told not to use your powers' and the 'you've been warned twice' crap you and your buddy were spouting months ago?" Sam demanded.

"We can help you control it. Teach you how to use the power in a different way. To fight on our side."

"On your side?" Sam was furious and he didn't care to control his anger any longer. "I've always fought on your side! Always! My entire life, I've given up everything, sacrificed, lost everything...for your side. How many people did I save? Huh? But because I wasn't always following your rules, you would have had me, what was it Uriel said? Oh, yeah, 'turned into dust'."

"You're right," Castiel calmly said. "But all those people you saved need you again."

Sam's anger evaporated almost as fast as it flared up, leaving him only with a decision to make. "No," he said after a long pause. He made his choice. It was the only way to end it.

"No?" Castiel was visibly surprised by Sam's decision. "You would rather die?"

"I would rather go to hell than become a monster."

Castiel shook his head. "It's not your time, Sam."

"What are you talking about? It was my time two years ago. I should have died two years ago." Of that, Sam was sure. Dean never should have brought him back. Not only because his brother sold his soul and went to hell. But if Dean left well enough alone, Sam never would have used his powers. Never would have had a chance to become what he feared.

"Is that what you really believe?"

"Yes," Sam said firmly. "The entire world is better off without me."

"And what about your brother?"

Sam, surprised by the turn of the conversation, looked at Dean, who was still sitting on the ground and holding Sam's body. Sam felt sadness overtake his entire being once again. Sadness for Dean, for what his brother was going through right now, what he was feeling. The grief and the pain of losing Dean was still very much fresh and vivid in his memory. But he knew that it was better this way. For everybody.

"Especially him," he said quietly, his voice heavy with emotion. "He's given up everything for me; hell, he even gave up his soul for me. This way...this way he can finally live for himself, not having to worry about me, not having to take care of me. Just live his life." With getting the promise out of Dean not to bring him back, Sam hoped he ensured that his brother would have to move on without him.

Castiel walked over to once again stand right next to him. The two remained quiet for some time. "In two months, Dean is going to die," Castiel suddenly said.

Sam's head shot up and he stared in shock and fear at the angel by his side. "What?" he whispered.

Castiel turned his gaze to Sam and calmly explained. "Two months from now, he will run into a warehouse full of demons. Without a backup."

All Sam could do was stare at the angel in horror as he tried to process Castiel's words. "Can't you stop it?" he finally asked.

Castiel only shook his head. "You're the only one who can."

Sam wanted to scream; he wanted to yell, "What are you good for then?" But all he could do was stare at his brother as Dean grieved. The thought of Dean dying again, in two months▓ time, alone...it was unbearable for Sam to even think about it. He couldn't let it happen. There was no other choice.

"Can you take the demon blood out of me?" he asked quietly as he looked at Castiel once more.

The angel only shook his head in response.

"So, there's still a chance..." He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't need Castiel's confirmation. Sam knew the answer. He'd still have to deal with the reality that one day he might turn into something he hated. But he would take that chance, he would do anything to make sure that Dean lived.

"You're so willing to die for your brother, Sam," Castiel said. "Are you willing to live for him?"

Sam raised his eyes to meet Castiel's. Whatever else was going on, at least now he knew that he had the angel on his side. This was something he prayed for most of his life, to have a higher power looking out for him and his brother. And now he had it. Granted, it wasn't all he imagined it to be, but Castiel was now on his side. That was all that Sam could ask for. He nodded. "Ok."

Castiel took a step toward him and raised his arm.

"Wait," Sam suddenly said. "If...If I ever cross that line...you be the one to kill me." Pointing at Dean, Sam continued. "Don't let him do it."

With a nod, Castiel put his hand on Sam's forehead.

*****

Bright light turned into darkness, and then pain. His lungs felt like they were on fire. Sam tried to take a breath, but his chest felt heavy, as if there was a ton of bricks laying on top of it. He tried again. It became a little easier. He opened his mouth and took a deep breath, gasping for air.

Somewhere close above him, Sam heard a different type of gasp. He slowly opened his eyes, meeting the green ones belonging to his brother, filled with shock and disbelief.

"Sammy?" Dean finally managed to whisper, his body still shaking. "But how?"

His throat and lungs still burning, all Sam could do was look over at where Castiel stood. Dean followed his gaze, seeing the angel for the first time that evening.

Castiel took a step toward the two of them, a small, soft smile playing on his lips. "You will be okay now," he finally said. Before either of the Winchester boys had a chance to respond, the angel was gone.

********

Sam looked at his reflection in the mirror, fog from the shower he just took, the moisture on the mirror hiding the look in his eyes he didn't want to see. He died. Again. He was sure that he should be more shaken up by that fact. But he was more disturbed by the conversation he had with Castiel after he died and not the dying itself.

"Dean will be dead in two months." Castiel's words echoed in his mind.

Sam swiped his hand across the mirror, his face staring back him more clearly now. No, Dean was not going to die. Sam wasn't going to let it happen. Castiel said he could stop it. Stop Dean from running into that building full of demons. Or go after those demons himself. He got the ok to use his powers now. He could kill all those demons himself. That way Dean wouldn't have to fight them. Wouldn't have to risk his life. Wouldn't have to give it up again. Sam would make sure of that.

Sam turned off the faucet and wiped his face with the old motel towel. Then, ready to finally face his brother, Sam opened the bathroom door. He froze in the doorway, his eyes falling on the figure of his brother sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. Dean straightened up quickly and looked up at Sam, the two of them staring at each other for a moment.

"You ok?" Sam finally asked as he walked over to the bed not occupied by his brother.

"I should be asking you that?" Dean responded.

Sam looked back at the other Winchester, holding his brother's gaze, questioningly.

Dean let out a loud sigh and looked away. "I'm fine, Sammy," he finally replied. "I'm just..."

Picking up his duffel bag off the bed and tossing it on the floor, Sam sat down on the bed. Ignoring the loud squeaking the old piece of furniture made under the pressure of his weight, Sam diverted his attention back to his brother. "Just what, Dean?"

Dean blew out another loud sigh as he got up and moved across the room, coming to stop by the kitchen counter, staring out of the tiny window.

"Dean?" Sam prodded.

It seemed like minutes passed by before the older man turned around and finally met his brother's eyes. "Watching you die again...I just..." Dean looked down, then back up at Sam. "It doesn't get any easier the second time around." Dean made an attempt at a smile, but failed horribly. He settled for silently waiting for the other man's response.

"Yeah, I know," Sam simply responded. He knew all too well that no matter how many times you watch someone you love die, it doesn't get any easier. In fact, it gets worse, to the point you fear you▓d go insane or the pain in your chest will tear you to shreds.

"I wish..." Dean's voice broke Sam's train of thought and he looked up at his older brother.

"What?"

Dean just shook his head. "Nothing."

Sam knew there was more that Dean wanted to say, but decided not to push it.

Instead he let Dean change the subject. "So, psychic powers are now angel approved?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders, "Seems that way."

"I don't know, Sam. I still don't think it's a good idea. I mean, the demon blood is still there," Dean tried to reason. "Is that worth the risk for you?"

Sam wasn't entirely sure it was a good idea either, but it was the only way he saw to keep Dean and other people safe, especially now with what was coming. "Look, I know that it scares you, I know you worry. But look at what happened last night? Sending multiple demons back to hell at the same time? With what's coming, that's gotta come in handy."

"You died last night, Sam," Dean reminded him, his voice cracking with emotion. Obviously his older brother wasn't over the events of the previous night. From experience, Sam knew that Dean wouldn't get over it any time soon.

"Look, man, I know it's a risk. I do, believe me. But this war is coming. You know that. And if we can even out the odds a little, if less people have to die because of my abilities, if..." Sam paused, trying to push back the emotions the thought of Dean dying again brought out inside of him. "If hunters don't have to die...that's worth the risk, isn't it?"

Dean wasn't entirely convinced, but he didn't have any comeback to argue his point either. So, Sam pulled out the last ammunition he had to prove his point. "Castiel said he's going to help me. Train me. Help me control the powers and the demon blood. So, that I don't, you know, go darkside."

Dean stared at him for a moment, and then made a face. "Oh, come on, this is ridiculous. This is not Star Wars. You are not Luke Skywalker and I am not Ob- Won Kenobi."

Biting back a laugh, Sam said, "No. You're more like Princess Lea."

Sam erupted in laughter as a plastic cup flew at his head. 


End file.
